The other day, I sat thinking a lot about my personal goals for 2024, especially as it relates to the personal relationships in my life. I noticed that the older we get, we spend a lot of time planning, adding things to calendars three months in advance, and on many occasions, only partially following through on those plans. As a parent, it’s gotten increasingly difficult to plan things on a whim and get up and go. I thought a lot about all of my failed attempts to link up with friends over the past several years, the times that I couldn’t make it due to unforeseen circumstances, and the times that life got in the way and friends couldn’t make it to see me.
But then, I thought about the tears I shed last year, realizing one of my very best friends had surprisingly flown across the country to spend my birthday with me. Or how recently, a friend who was in town for a baby shower thought enough of my family and me to come and spend two days with us while she was in town. I think of the friends who randomly send my son gifts or make it a point to check in on us when I least expect it and often when it’s needed most.
In a world that often celebrates and prioritizes meticulous planning and strategic foresight, the prospect of relinquishing control and no longer being committed to planning and just going for things sounds crazy, but it is the space that I am currently in right now. I think about the amount of time wasted, the words gone unsaid, or the feelings left unexpressed simply because the time spent or the thoughtful gesture required a million confirmations and a calendar invite, and we still didn’t follow through. Sometimes the excessive planning and the time in between give us too much time to think and harbor all the shit that could be done while we’re away from home and spending quality time with friends or loved ones. The reality is, life is always happening, and there will always be a set of core responsibilities or something to take care of. Still, when we stop prioritizing connecting with our community due to being busy, we subconsciously choose isolation, the unhealthiest thing in the world.
The idea of committing to planning less and embracing spontaneity is the space I’m in right now. I don’t want to wait six months or weeks for a coffee date. I don’t want to spend 3-4 weeks thinking about sending flowers, and I love you text or pick up the phone and call and just assuming that seeing loved ones on social media consistently makes up for lost time. This newfound shift in perspective is my way of breaking free from the constraints of overthinking and fostering a more liberated, intentional, and fulfilling life.
The desire to control every aspect of our lives is deeply ingrained in human nature. It got increasingly worse for me when I became pregnant. And I get it; I fully understand it; for a lot of us, planning offers a sense of security and predictability, allowing us to navigate the complexities of our daily existence and shift a meetup time or date in the event of our schedule changes and life demanding more of us. But how selfish of us to assume that tomorrow is promised and God will willingly grant us another opportunity to rearrange our schedules and make the brunch date or randomly hang out at a friend's house when the opportunity arises.
As the world around us gets more unpredictable, it’s essential to recognize the fine line between prudence and excessive control. In 2024, my call to action is clear — I need to break free from the shackles of overplanning and open myself up to the limitless possibilities that spontaneity brings.
I had this epiphany the other day thinking about how I ran into one of my favorite friends in the world at Target. I thought, wow, how crazy is it that we live close enough to run into each other at our local convenience store, but we hadn’t sat down to catch up in over a year. I recognize that not everything can be meticulously planned, and some of life's most rewarding experiences arise from unscripted moments. I’m reminded of my ability to flow fluidly through life by consciously choosing to plan less. By no means am I screaming for myself, or any of us for that matter, to abandon responsibility or neglect the importance of strategic decision-making; rather, it is an invitation to infuse our lives with a healthy dose of flexibility and adaptability.
A few months ago, I drove home one day thinking about my longtime friend. I said I would surprise him with a Facetime call, and when I got home, the call never happened. Hours, days, weeks, and months went by, and I never made the call like I intended; that friend passed away on Thanksgiving Day of 2023. It crushed me because had I paused and taken a moment to do what was on my heart and mind, I could have spoken to that friend one last time.
I’m realizing more and more that the benefits of planning less extend beyond the mere act of doing things on a whim. It involves a mental shift – a departure from the need for absolute control towards a more fluid and dynamic mindset. This shift allows us to savor the beauty of spontaneity and foster a heightened sense of presence. As we release the grip on our need to control, we create space for unexpected opportunities, relationships, and experiences to unfold.
I can clearly see how planning has gotten in the way of so much, and my desire to plan less is an antidote to the paralysis induced by perfectionism. Shit doesn’t have to be meticulously perfect all the time; sometimes, you have to go for it. The constant pursuit of flawless plans often leads to procrastination and missed opportunities. In 2024, the intention should be to break this cycle, liberating ourselves from the self-imposed pressure to have everything figured out. Nothing is promised, and this becomes more and more evident every day, so we should prioritize embracing spontaneity, which can become a form of self-empowerment.
My commitment to planning less and doing more in 2024 is a declaration of freedom— freedom from the constraints of overcontrol and embracing life's inherent unpredictability. This is an invitation to dance with spontaneity, to welcome the unknown with open arms, and to savor the richness of experiences that unfold beyond the confines of meticulous planning. As I embark on this journey, I plan to revel in the joy of living in the moment and allow the magic of spontaneity to shape the narrative of my life and the lives of those that I love most!