Journeying Through Motherhood; Simple Reminders Rooted In Love

I’m sure we’ve all had moments we’ve received advice from our mothers during a time it annoyed us to hear any advice at all. I could remember growing up and experiencing my mother have her “I told you so” moments with me, and it annoyed the hell out of me, lol. Being older, talking with our mothers, grandmothers, or women we look up to becomes something we crave. I’ve found myself craving these talks even more so now that I am a mother. I always have time to talk to other mothers; it’s soothing in many ways. As I do my best to navigate my new normal now that I am a new mom, I find myself craving community. I didn’t know how desperately I needed the comfort of other mothers who aren’t family until I became a mother myself. 

Throughout my pregnancy, I’ve gained so many things. But just as so many new things have come, I’ve had to deal with the reality that insufferable loss of the unimaginable is inevitable. I’ve lost the woman I once was. I’ve lost friends, my body, my comfort with living by myself and for myself, and so much more. As I mourn the loss of all that was, I am slowly rediscovering what darkness feels like. A space in life I pretty much thought I’d never return to or a reality I felt I had evolved beyond. 

I had gotten to a point in my life where I often wondered if it was even possible to feel defeated, depressed, or uncertain anymore. These are feelings I hadn’t felt in such a long time. Life has been on a high so, when you possess everything you’ve ever wanted in life, it’s hard to imagine the light getting cloudy. Admittedly it has, and it does. Hormonally, I’ve shifted.

Along with my mental and internal shifts, my life has also shifted. People, places, and things will no longer fit into my reality as I evolve, and I am not the same. This realization alone SUCKS! It has caused me pain. It has caused me heartbreak. It has caused me sleepless nights and presented me with moments of fear, uncertainty, and doubt. 

Nobody tells you that with motherhood comes so many changes. Nobody tells you that even when you’re celebrating birthing new life, you’re invaded by the darkness that is mourning the life that once was. As I grappled with these feelings, I knew that it was up to me to shift the way I felt. I don’t hate who I am now; in fact, I love her most. I am not sad about what my life has become because it is in its rarest form of blessings and happiness. I am, however, trying to find the strength to let go of the people, places, circumstances, and specific aspects of the old me that no longer align with who I am.

I am fighting daily… 

I challenge every single negative thought. I let myself feel every single feeling when I am in the space of mourning. I discover new ways to combat irrational ways of being or thinking. I am not burdened by the end because what has ended somehow watered this blossoming new beginning. So, they were necessary as I reflect on some of my darker days/moments over the last few weeks. They’ve helped me come to a place of acceptance. They have also become healthy reminders for me to affirm who I am and what I want with simple daily reminders like the ones listed below:

Life will change, but that doesn’t mean you have to change how you feel about yourself. 

I am learning to let the changes in my reality serve their purpose. I am constantly reminding myself that as things shift, it does not mean I’ve done anything wrong to cause these shifts or I’ve been a bad person. It actually means I am actively doing the work. I am evolving, and life is evolving with me. Therefore, some things will change as I do, which is okay! 

Release the unnecessary pressure 

The pressure to please. The pressure to try and be everywhere at once and do everything for everybody. Oh, I can’t forget the pressure of mom guilt! I’ve combated the pressure by reminding myself daily I am the fuel to the fire. I am the missing piece to every puzzle in my life. I set the tone for my reality; my household responds as I say and do. So, when mom is unhappy, everyone is unhappy. I am the backbone. I am the oil that helps to run a well-oiled machine and if I am not okay, nothing around me flows well. I have chosen to release any and all pressure so that I can always show up as the best version of myself that I can be.

You Don’t Have All The Answers and that is okay 

I never have and never well. I accept this. I am embracing this. I own this. I am a student to life, I do not seek to know everything. I only wish to continue to learn and evolve.

Take The Time You Need When You Can

When life, a spouse, a friend, or relative offers you a break, take it! You need it and you deserve it, reclaim your time!

xo, Amb!