Pregnancy Woes That Should Be Talked About More

Pregnancy is beautiful for women to experience, that is, if you wish to have children. I was ecstatic when I first learned about my pregnancy, but the excitement slowly turned into crippling fear. I had to work overtime to be in a present space, enjoy my pregnancy, and not worry about what would happen next. Toward my sixth month, I realized that these weren’t feelings of my own; many of them were feelings that were forced upon me from mothers I’ve encountered and even things I’ve read in the news and media.

During my pregnancy, I was prepared to be stressed post-birth, overwhelmed, sleep deprived, and miserable 24/7; my parenting journey has been far from this, and I’ve been adamant about sharing my experiences in hopes of changing the negative stigmas about pregnancy. If you’re pregnant or thinking about becoming pregnant, there are some things about the journey of pregnancy that are daunting and a bit draining. But in its defense, pregnancy is literally you signing yourself up to grow another human, so it will never be a cakewalk.

Your body and everything around you changes, but the more you pre-prepare for the experience, the better it will be. There are downsides to pregnancy that aren’t talked about. I didn’t hear much about them pre-pregnancy, and even now, as a mother, hearing other mothers discuss the real shit you will go through is not something I hear often. It’s like hunting for hidden gems in a vault; you have to be willing to do it and seek advice from honest and genuine women. So let’s get into it. There are a few things about pregnancy that I wish I knew more about to prepare my life and my body better. But with experience comes knowledge, and I’m happy to have gone through it all to be open and have an entire dialogue with all of you.

Severe Morning Sickness 

We have heard the term morning sickness for years, but it isn’t until you’re pregnant that you learn what it actually feels like. I’d wake up every morning nauseated and vomiting excessively. The sickness was part of my pregnancy that I disliked most; it didn’t allow me the space to be fully present or enjoy the simple things. I was always sick and needed someone close to do things for me or help me to get things done. Yes, it was that bad! I would talk to moms who would assure me that the sickness was temporary, and by month 4 or 5, I’d wake up feeling rejuvenated, and the morning sickness would subside. By the end of month five, when I was still sick all day and night, I finally decided to address it with my doctor. After a chat and describing my symptoms, I was diagnosed with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG). After my diagnosis, I started to read more about my sickness; I had no idea how common it was among pregnant women. I had spent the first half of my pregnancy thinking it was just me and feeling like I was on a lonely island because my journey wasn’t as smooth sailing as the other mothers who were pregnant at the same time. As scary as it sounds, there are interim treatments for HG; I was prescribed a medication that helped me tremendously with my nausea and vomiting. I also learned that it was something that my mom experienced during her pregnancy as well, and it’s a condition that is often genetic. If you happen to be one of those who experience HG, I encourage you to talk with a medical professional and get the medication and support you need to make your journey as smooth as possible. 

Anxiety Throughout Pregnancy & Postpartum Anxiety 

I was diagnosed with Anxiety in my late teens or early twenties. I've done a pretty good job of managing it throughout my life. When I learned about my pregnancy, my partner encouraged me to connect with a therapist and get the support I needed. It sounds daunting to pre-prepare for depression and Anxiety, but it was the best decision ever. We don't understand that while pregnancy is one of the happiest moments of our lives, we're growing another human, and hormonal changes and imbalances are bound to occur; it's inevitable. Extreme Anxiety during pregnancy is known as Antenatal Anxiety.

Interestingly, it is said that the likelihood of developing an anxiety condition or disorder during pregnancy is increased, with estimates that up to one in five women will experience a high level of Anxiety or Antenatal Anxiety during their pregnancy. My Anxiety made it difficult for me to socialize and be present; I had this deep-rooted fear of leaving the house. I was sure that something terrible would happen to my baby and me. I was overprepared as a parent; every drawer in my son's room was organized by age just in case something tragic happened to me and my partner was left to raise him independently; he'd know which clothes were where. It wasn't good! If you're unsure that you or someone you know suffer from Antenatal Anxiety, below are a few symptoms to look out for: 

Symptoms of Antenatal Anxiety

• Worrying thoughts that keep coming into your mind – like feelings of looming tragedy or something drastic happening, overly worrying that something may be wrong with your baby.

• Panic attacks are extreme fear and panic outbursts that 'take over your body' and make you feel out of control. Sometimes this leads people to start avoiding situations for fear it may reoccur.

• Constantly feeling restless, 'on edge,' and irritable.

• Feeling tense in your muscles and tight in your chest.

Again, my transparency isn't about fear-mongering; it's rooted in awareness. I wish I had known about these conditions and experiences before being pregnant. I went through 9-months of constant fear and Anxiety and not understanding why until after my pregnancy. Had I known what I was suffering from, I would have gotten the help I needed early on so that this condition didn't rob me of feeling consistent joy during my pregnancy. There are many ways to tackle Anxiety during pregnancy and postpartum, and we should address these feelings more often and more publically to support new, existing, and mothers-to-be.

What Really Happens When Your Water Breaks

It's actually laughable when I look back on it! First, let me start with I had no idea that most women who go into labor begin with severe contractions and often have to have the doctor(s) rupture their amniotic sac for them. Only one in 10 mothers' water breaks before labor, and of course, I was one of the chosen lol. I woke up at 6 am as I'd normally do and was ready to go to the gym and later go to Best Buy to buy a new TV. I got halfway to the bathroom, and my water broke, just like I had seen in TV dramas and movies over the years. Damn those movies for not keeping it real. I just knew I would start feeling contractions afterward, but I didn't. I was actually pretty calm; what I wasn't prepared for is that once your water breaks, it just leaks and continues to leak.

It's like non-stop peeing. I had to get dressed for the drive to the hospital but rode there with a towel under me that was completely soaked when we arrived. The peach sweat suit I had on was covered in fluid and water from the drive, and how embarrassing to walk through labor and delivery looking like I pissed myself; it was hysterically funny. Again, this is one of those things that has been depicted one way for decades through tv and film, and the false depictions and lack of proper education fail expecting mothers. Women who are unaware may assume something is wrong. I will be the one to tell you your water and the consistent flow of fluid are expected during the process. It's one thing I wish was talked about more, but I am happy to share the experience with future mamas-to-be!

Having A Caring Dr. And MidWife/Doula 

My dream was to have Erykah Badu be my midwife/Doula. While I wasn't that lucky, enlisting the support of a Doula was the best thing I could have ever done. My Anxiety, worries, and fears were better controlled when I hired my Doula. I am not seeing more transparency about the benefits of having a midwife or Doula, which is essential. I thought that the only time you could have either was if you were planning to have a water birth at home, but nope, your Doula can and will be right there with you during delivery. I had someone with whom I could discuss my fears and concerns, and they gave me reassuring, professional advice. She helped us write a birth plan and do all the necessary planning before our son arrived. I wish we had spoken more about the beautiful benefits of having a Doula/Midwife. Black expecting mothers have the highest mortality rate, meaning we need someone other than our family and partners to advocate for us during our journey. Unfortunately, many Doulas and Midwives are not covered under insurance. However, there are options. Some programs and grants help you get funding for your doula/midwife; even midwives and doulas offer payment plans, so you're not required to pay upfront. If you're considering this, look into it now and start the interviewing process. During this journey, you deserve the best person next to you and your family.

I hope that my transparency is encouraging and helpful and doesn’t create fear in you but rather heightens a sense of awareness. We deserve community as mothers and mothers-to-be. We deserve transparency and honesty. The most important thing about parenting and motherhood is that we stop glossing over the hard stuff and talk about them to better prepare those following this journey. Healthy, emotionally sound, and aware mothers are just as important as healthy, aware, and emotionally sound children.